In western society, the sex it has been taboo for a long time. However, the normalization regarding the subject increases, and each time we can talk about it more widely. Despite this, certain sexual topics still make us ashamed to talk about them. Either because the theme may seem strange, or vice versa, because it is a very common theme. Or in any case because it generates shame in general. At ArgetinaXP we offer a compilation of seven of the most repeated questions about sex on the internet, to which he answers for this newspaper Héctor Galván, clinical psychologist and sexologist.
Are multiple orgasms a myth?
The doctor. He is also director of the Institute of Sexology in Madrid and tells us about the Multiple orgasms: "They are not a myth, but they should not be idealized". And he continues: "If they happen it is something pleasant and pleasant, but it is something exceptional and it can occur in situations where you are very relaxed and there is a high level of sexual desire”. If we take it as a rigid goal, it can generate stress or an unfulfilled expectation. That is to say that if it happens you have to enjoy it, but no need to obsess.
Why do women find it difficult to reach orgasm with penetration alone?
"According to a study, 52% women do not achieve orgasm with penetration alone and this may be due to several factors," says the sexologist. “It can happen that the woman does not relax and does not feel comfortable. In the same way, it may be that the man has not yet had an ideal coupling with his partner”, he highlights. Enjoyment must be prioritized over frequency standards that do not have so much to do with reality. “What is true is that the vast majority of women do end up achieving orgasm, even if it is in different ways. You can reach the limit of orgasm with penetration and then end up getting it with games, toys or masturbation”, he points out. The big problem of sexual myths It is that it generates a lot of expectation, rigidity, anxiety, and ultimately an anguish that complicates the good flow of sexual impulses and pleasure as a couple.
Am I gay if I have ever had sexual fantasies about someone of the same sex?
“It would be necessary to start from the fact that potentially we are all bisexual until the sexual orientation is confirmed. Sexual desire is not something that is genetically heterosexual, but can be associated and learned", Explain. “Of course I don't know he is homosexual for having some specific fantasy. In the end, sexual orientation is determined by the search for sexual contact”, he answers.
Is it advisable to tell our sexual fantasies to the couple?
Of course, yes, but what is really recommended "is that there is the confidence to count almost everything. Of course, what is not healthy is demanding to tell absolutely everything”. "One can know that there are certain sexual fantasies that could make the partner uncomfortable or that they find strange."
And “Not all intimacy must be shared and that does not mean that there is no trust in the couple. That many of the fantasies can be counted, yes, but It is not mandatory to tell absolutely everything", Explain.
Does the size of the penis matter in sex?
The mythical answer is always expected by everyone: "In general, no." “The sexual coupling is much more important, that the man is empathetic with the woman, that he learns what is the way for her to get more pleasure”, says Galvan. If we refer particularly to size, it happens that "the length of the penis is practically It does not matter from what is called micropenis, which is only diagnosed when they are less than six centimeters in erection. From there the penis will produce pleasure”. “In fact, most surgeries in women are performed without anesthesia because there are no sensitivity receptors in the innermost part of the vagina. That is to say, in length there is not much difference", Explain. What the specialist is trying to tell us is that the key lies particularly in the empathy and sensitivity that one has with his partner. Pleasure comes first, so it is indifferent if the penis is larger than usual, if the user is not aware of female sexuality. “Of course, women tend to comment that they do not enjoy when it has a minimum thickness”. "The important thing, as a summary, is the sexual coupling," says the sexologist.
Can you have sex when we reach old age?
The specialist answers this without any doubt: “Undoubtedly. Sex life lasts as long as life lasts”. "In fact, in our clinic we have many couples over 60 who come to improve their sexual life," he exemplifies. In the case of women, with age, lubrication can become difficult, but it is a problem that is practically minimal if we consider the various forms of lubrication that we have in our time. And in the case of men, unless there are vascular diseases that can make erection difficult, "from the endocrine point of view, the desire hardly diminishes and there can be a sexual response as long as there is a physical capacity for any other activity."
Does oral sex have the same risks?
"They are not the same risks as vaginal sex because the types of contagious diseases are different, but it does carry a risk," he answers.
How important should sex be to a relationship?
“We always say that sexual life for a couple is not enough, although it is essential. Although two people can have a very good sex life, that is not enough for a relationship to work if there is not a good foundation in all other areas, ”he explains. And he adds that “a couple without a sexual life of any kind ceases to be a couple. It can be a relationship of coexistence or friendship, but as a couple relationship it ends up diluting”.
"What all couples ask us in one of the sessions is how often and on average they have a relationship a week, but There are couples who have more and others who have a relationship a month and are both very happy”, says the sexologist. “Frequency must be demystified, what matters in terms of frequency is that there are relationships of enjoyment. And if it's enough for both of us, it's not a problem”, sentence.
Sources: